Student Depreciation Day

History is rife with tales of unwanted gifts, and as with most unwanted gifts, there have usually been downsides. The Trojans got a free wooden horse only to later discover that it was filled with claustrophobic Greek warriors. The Native Americans received blankets from settlers who failed to mention that they were infested with smallpox (the blankets, not the settlers, though there's a good chance...).

History has repeated itself here at Houghton.

We were given "Student Appreciation Day" by our beloved catering service (serving us with wholesome, tasteless food for who knows how long...). Essentially, it was the same food we have every day, only this time it had been prepared by hand by our fellow students (making the lines stretch clear on down the stairs). Granted, we were given tablecloths, but considering that we're only going to get them dirty, the amount of soap and water needed to wash them will probably cost more time and effort than to have simply left the tables alone. To top it all off, the center of the cafeteria had been leveled to make way for a long table from which obnoxious propaganda was launched at us with all the sweet subtly of nuclear detonations. Granted, they were attempting to give the students some entertainment with their trivia games, but all in all not nearly enough people participated to make it even remotely interesting, let alone enjoyable. Besides, being constantly deafened by "This prize donated by the Cola corporation and some other blood-sucking business" tends to put a damper on the conversations of others (and if you're among the few hard-core leftists, simply hearing how Cola and it's inbred siblings advertise even in Houghton is enough to put you off your food- not that it isn't bad enough already).

So catering service, let me put it to you this way.
We appreciate your efforts, we truly do. We know how much time and energy you must have put into this day.

That said, we must ask you to never do it again.

This "appreciation" day makes even eating a baffling ordeal. Sitting down to a meal shouldn't be this hard- the students have enough on their plates as it is (forgive the pun). If you truly want to go out of your way for us, then put some flavor into the food for a change or leave a plate of fresh fruit on each table- it's feasible for your lot and actually enjoyable for us. We appreciate you- please don't "appreciate" us...